I felt out of place in my neon shoes and button down shirt. I was surrounded by human machines who apparently had all gotten the memo about what to wear. I could just walk away if and when I wanted to.Īrriving at Crossfit Amped in ‘Bellville’ (actually Bellevue and yeah, I’m looking at you, Cadre Will) I was terrified. Scared to death about what was going to happen to me, but fully confident in my ability to quit anything because it’s one of my best attributes: I am really, really good at quitting. Something was different this time but I never knew why. I have no idea why I did it, but after the failure to show at the Light I apparently was in the mood to waste more money because I signed up for an event called Constellation. It was so easy to find reasons and excuses to not go, but stuck in the habit I was it was nearly impossible to find a way to compel myself to go. Eventually I signed up for a GORUCK Light. I watched lots of videos, read lots of after action reviews, tried to learn as much as I could from websites like ruck.beer and alldayruckoff as well as lurking around the subreddit /r/goruck. Not fast, not far, but a little bit here and there – I was working out and actually having fun doing it. Working 12 hour graveyard shifts at a desk I would find myself walking in the middle of the night during my breaks. So I started walking a little bit here and little bit there. It didn’t require sprinting or some weird insane device to work out with – it just took a backpack and bricks both of which I already had at home. When I stumbled upon this crazy GORUCK thing on the interwebs I was intrigued – here was something that both appealed to me and was doable at home at my own pace. There were dozens of other ventures that I started and quit along the way but it was always easier to quit than it was to persevere. Two years ago I tried Crossfit – and yep, you guessed it, I quit. It became a habit that replicated itself over and over and over again well into adulthood. I quit because the activities were hard and demanded work and I, not being blessed with much athletic ability, found it easier to retreat into eating and reading than to stick it out. Signed up to play soccer when I was 13 and quit after one practice – because fuck that signed up to play football in my 7th and 10th grade years and quit before the seasons ever started – because fuck that. For most of my youth and continuing on into my adult life, whenever life presented me with physical challenges, I’ve thrown in the towel, waved the white flat, and surrendered. We all thought it was pretty cool so we decided to share it with y’all. Matt “Ant” Brooks shared his Seattle Constellation AAR from his blog on Reddit.

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